I used to have this cabinet with glass doors and glass shelves that held all of the most treasured heirlooms from my husband and I’s families. It held all the Precious Moments figurines that my husband began giving me when we were dating. If it meant anything to us, it was probably stored in that cabinet. Several years ago when I decided to paint the room that cabinet was in, I moved that cabinet. All went well until one of the legs broke off and the cabinet fell, breaking just about everything that was in it. I will never forget that hopeless, helpless feeling I felt as I looked at that huge pile of broken mess. As I looked at the shattered Precious Moments, the treasures from my husband’s family and cherished dishes from my grandmother, I sobbed. Actually, I cried for days…weeks even. Just the thought or mention of that cabinet and the treasures it held had me shedding tears for months.
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Recently I have been thinking a lot about that fiasco, because that’s the way my life has felt lately-- broken, hopeless, helpless, incapable of changing the things life has thrown my way. Sure, I was so quick to tell everyone that things are ok, so careful to keep up the façade that all was fine, saying the common clichés that “God’s got this”, that He will see us through, that He is always faithful…and He is! I know that, but I’m not sure I really believed it. In fact, I know I didn’t. These past two years have been the hardest years I have ever lived through. It seems that everything in my life has been shaken, that all I have left is just a pile of broken mess. But you see, the difference between the broken pile of heirlooms and the broken mess of my life is that I can do nothing about the broken pile of heirlooms, but God can make something of my broken mess if I let him. As I was lying in bed unable to sleep, I was so convicted for my feelings of self pity and hypocrisy. I broke before the Lord and confessed my faults and asked for His forgiveness. I realized then that all those cliché sayings were just that, clichés, if I didn’t mean them. God wants my heart—all of my heart. He wants me to trust Him, to KNOW that He is able. That His grace IS sufficient. To truly believe that He can take the broken mess of my life and make it beautiful…and that He wants to. I have thought often of the Word Art Wednesday scripture from a couple of weeks ago about the potter and the clay.
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I came to the realization that sleepless night, that He is the potter and I am the clay. I want Him, need Him, to take the broken, ugly pieces of my life and remake them into something He can use…something beautiful. Redesign them if He needs to. He is our Creator, our Father, who wants only the very best for us. If we can’t trust him to take our life and mold it, than who can we trust?
I recently heard a song that spoke so much to me. It is by Hillsong and the name of it is “Show me your ways”. The lyrics are:
The cry of my heart
Is to love You more
To live with the
Touch of Your hand
Stronger each day
Show me Your ways
Show me Your ways
That I may walk with You
Show me Your ways
I put my hope in You
This song expresses exactly how I feel. I just want to love Him more, to grow stronger in Him, for Him to show me His ways and to walk with Him. I know with His touch in my brokenness He is making me stronger each day. He is my hope! I can’t imagine going through life without Him.
I know I have been “missing in action” for a while and, truthfully, I just haven’t felt I could blog with such a heavy heart, that I had nothing to give, but I really felt to share my heart with my readers. I am not sharing this for your sympathy or pity, but because I pray it helps someone. I know I am not the best writer and I feel I have a hard time expressing things that way, but I am pretty sure that I am not the only one who has felt brokenness, and I just hope that this post is a blessing in some way. I would love to add you to my prayer list if you are feeling broken right now. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that you are never the only one going through something. Our struggles can feel so lonely because we tend to shut others out. Let’s not go through this alone, but encourage and pray for one another. Feel free to send me an email, I would love to hear from you. Life is hard and rarely goes the way we plan it, but God is in control and He cares like no one else is even capable of caring.
Stronger in Him,